Checklist kinks list4/3/2024 Maybe you say, yes, you’re into pegging, but only under certain circumstances or only with certain toys. The Ultimate List of Kinks and FetishesĪnd within that negotiation, there could be some caveats.In a sexual context, even folks who are less experimental can create a version of the YNM list that includes traditional sex acts that they are or aren’t interested in. Polyamorous folks can use a YNM list to navigate their relationship boundaries. It’s even applicable to relationship styles. Kali explains that while the YNM list has its roots in the kink world, it’s a powerful negotiation tool that’s been expanded to encompass “a variety of sexual adventurers or sexual explorers,” not just kinksters. “You can say, ‘Okay, this is a green light, this is a green light, maybe we can talk about this one.’” “Because it’s a graphic format-it’s written-it's a good way to figure out where you and a partner line up and maybe where you don't line up,” she explains. Maybe you would say “yes” to being tied up and golden showers, “no” to pegging, “maybe” to wax play, and so on. For example, on the list could be: being tied up, pegging, golden showers, and wax play. Pro dominatrix and kink educator Mistress Shayla Lange, owner of NYC’s largest woman-owned dungeon, defines a YNM list as “a list of kinks or fetishes that somebody brings to the table”-whether they’ve tried them before, read about them online, saw them in a movie, whatever. So, what is a yes/no/maybe list, and what is it not? Unless, of course, what you really want is to swallow it. No matter your relationship status, a YNM list is an accessible resource that can illuminate information about your sexual desires in new ways-and help you ask for what you really want, instead of just swallowing it. A YNM list can help you identify not only which sex acts you want to explore, she says, but more importantly, which emotional experiences you want to have during sex-something she addresses in The Yes, No, Maybe Workbook, a resource she created to help folks find more nuance in their own lists.īut whether it’s a workbook, a spreadsheet, or scribbles in a drugstore notebook, sex educator Lola Jean, headmistress of the 7 Days of Domination school, says the concept of the YNM list provides you and your partners a foundation to build upon in whatever way suits you best. While traditional yes/no/maybe (YNM) lists are pretty straightforward (think spreadsheet style, with three columns and a simple roster of activities), Kali recognizes this format is limited. “If you’re nervous about saying to someone, ‘I want to put my feet in your mouth,’ or ‘ I want to peg you,’ can create a psychological buffer where nos become less intensive and yeses become a jumping-off point instead of a complete sentence,” kink coach Princess Kali, founder of, says. Whether it’s due to fear of rejection, what your partner might think, or sounding unsexy, it’s times like these when you could benefit from a yes/no/maybe sex list: a tool used by kinksters and BDSM practitioners for decades to establish ground rules and spark conversations around sexual needs. That’s why sometimes in the throes of passion with a partner-y’know, those times when there are things you really want to say or try-you might feel like you can’t. If you received sex education at any point in your schooling, chances are you weren’t exactly taught to verbalize your sexual desires, especially if all you learned was Mean Girls style, “Don’t have sex, ’cause you will get pregnant and die.” A culture that conflates abstinence with sex education is one that stifles sexual expression, not one that gives you the space to practice saying “ Spank me, mommy!” or “Treat me like a filthy cum dumpster!”
0 Comments
Leave a Reply.AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |